in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
