You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
