Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
