Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
