you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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