Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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