My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
