I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
