Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
