No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
