Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
