he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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