Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
