Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
