So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
