i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
