1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
