So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
