You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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