I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are we still banned from the library?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
