you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
