Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
