I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
