I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
