come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
