as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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