So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I met the friendliest cop last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
