Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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