you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
