life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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