Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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