I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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