just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
