guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
