Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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