So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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