:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
