his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
