My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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