Fine. I'll sleep in my office
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
