God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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