watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
