After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
