I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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