so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
