Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
