He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
