Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
