Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
