Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
